Stories/The Second Nature series/3 Coming To Grips
From Transsexual Support
[edit] Nagging Unknowns
I awoke by my mother\'s side again. I was puzzled. \"What\'s going on? I thought you couldn\'t contact me anymore.\"
My mother quickly put a finger to my lips, indicating I was to shut up, which I promptly did, then she told me the reason for her visit. \"Rachel, with the curse lifted, I can communicate to you in your dreams. I notice you\'re troubled by something. Talk to me.\"
\"Yeah. I\'m troubled. Why? Why\'d all of this have to happen to me? I was perfectly happy before as a man. Why now?\"
\"Anthony,\" she said, noting that she called me by my male name for the first time, \"if I could have removed the curse and left you male, I would have done so. I didn\'t have that option, though, and I did not want to see you dead, either. I lost you once and didn\'t want to lose you again.\"
\"I see. Do you think it\'s possible to become a man again after all of this is over?\"
\"It may be possible. However, you will notice that you\'re immune to all transmutation powers, so you cannot be changed that way. The only way will be with hormone treatments and painful surgeries, but the hormonal change will strip you of your powers.\"
\"So I\'m stuck.\"
\"I\'m sorry.\" Mom started to cry.
\"Don\'t cry, Mother, please. I\'m unhappy, but maybe I will begin to get used to it. Time will tell.\"
She wiped her tears away, and smiled. \"That\'s all I ask.\" She looked at me, confused.
\"Rachel,\" I said, gesturing that I knew she had silently asked what name I would prefer to be called by.
\"Just give it a chance, Rachel. Don\'t throw away your destiny.\"
\"For now, Mother.\" Necro\'s words began to hang in my mind. \"Mother, was I an only child?\" I asked.
\"I see you\'ve met your half-brother. It is true that you are my only child. However, I was not the first woman to have your father\'s child. Before I met him, he had a thing for demonic whores. One of them bore a child that he ended up saddled with. That child grew to become Necro.\"
So I did have a brother.
Mother continued on, \"He had a good heart when we raised him, but a month before you were born, he was abducted by a demonic horde of which your father belonged a long time ago. No doubt they corrupted him.\"
\"Ok.\" Damn. I can\'t kill him then, he\'s Innocent. \"Nice seeing you again, Mother. Is this going to be a common thing?\"
\"Only if you have an issue you cannot resolve on your own. One last thing. Quit being so cross with Crystalline. She\'s probably the best one equipped to help you in the world. Give her a chance.\"
\"Fine.\" I woke up after that. Not knowing what else to do, I grabbed a pair of my old pajamas. As I figured, they didn\'t fit anymore. I would have to requisition some more that were... fitting for my new body. I tied the waist shut and left my quarters, going to visit the only one who could help me though this.
I didn\'t notice a spot of blood in the bodysuit I had slept in.
[edit] Kindred Souls
On the way to Crystalline\'s office, I bumped into Phoenix. I thought he was going to go into perv-mode again. \"Hi...\" I said, not really wanting to talk to him.
\"Uhmm... hi.\" He looked down at my crotch. \"Might wanna requisition some sanitary napkins, eh?\"
\"Huh?\" I was confused.
\"Yer, uhmm, what to the girls call it? Ah. Spotting.\"
I looked down, which was hard to do over my breasts. \"Shit! Shit, shit, shit!\" He was right, there was a small spot of blood. Mom neglected to tell me that this change would put me right in THAT part of a woman\'s cycle. \"I gotta go!\" I ran to Crystalline\'s office.
I knocked on the door. She was there, all right. \"Come in.\" I opened the door. \"Ah, Matrix. I was expecting you, actually.\" She typed in an away message on her keyboard and reached into her desk. She pulled out some clothing and threw it to me. \"Go put this on. You will find... just what you need in my personal bathroom.\"
I quickly complied. I took off my pajamas and put on the clothes she had given me - a white t-shirt, a plain white sports bra, a pair of white panties and a pair of blue jeans, woman\'s cut, but didn\'t look like girl\'s jeans. This was a relief. I thought she would try to put me in some overexaggerated excuse for a dress and bloody heels. Bloody. Damn! \"Help?\" I called out, and she quickly entered.
\"Oh. You don\'t know how to use one.\" I nodded. \"It\'s as easy as...\"
So, 5 minutes later, I was clothed and... plugged, let\'s say. At least it wasn\'t leaking anymore. I tried to speak. \"so... uhmm... I...\"
\"You\'re still getting used to the change. Perfectly understandable. In some ways, your change was like mine, except I wanted mine done. But, it\'s like mine in that it\'s a complete change, not like the archaic surgeries and such that would have been my only option as close as 5 years ago. Now you need help coming to grips with your body, right?\"
I nodded.
\"Do you still think of yourself as male?\" she asked me, point-blank.
\"To be honest, I don\'t know what to think. Mother talked to me in a dream overnight and told me that I couldn\'t be changed back by transmutation, and if I were to go the other route, I would lose my powers. So I can\'t become a man again.\"
\"Actually, you know what I think? You\'re still a man. Gender is up here, wired into your brain. It\'s not your body. You\'re physically female, that I can\'t deny. But your brain is still that of a male.\"
\"I\'m not so sure of that anymore, Crystalline.\"
She walked around her desk and hugged me. \"Call me Melissa,\" she whispered into my ear. She then backed away and looked at me with that serious look in her eyes. \"So say it. What are you?\"
\"I\'m... I cannot decide. I...\" I broke down into tears.
\"There, there. You\'ll figure it out with time. Don\'t throw this away, though. Being a woman has its advantages, especially with your power. You\'re in no way weak. Never think that you are.\" She hugged me again and as I was about to leave, she flagged me back to her. \"Keep the clothes, if you need any more, mi casa es su casa.\" She game me a keycode for her quarters, and handed me a small handbag. Let\'s just say it had what I would need later on.
[edit] Calm Before the Storm
\"Tempus?\" I sat beside him after he motioned it would be o.k. \"What am I going to do now? I\'m scared I\'ll lose my rank and position because of this.\"
\"Rachel, it\'s going to work out. I\'m not going to demote you, and by the look of things, it doesn\'t look like Crystalline will keep you out of action for too long. Your position is secure. Don\'t worry about it. Just get yourself in order. I can\'t afford to have you out of action much longer than a week.\"
I just looked at him and nodded. I started to feel weird. This had never happened before to me... but his suit made him... wait? Was I becoming attracted to Tempus? I shook my head. Can\'t be. I\'m a guy, like him. He\'s not gay... neither am I. I quickly focused myself. \"What about the \'organization\' Necro talked of? Were you able to find anything?\"
\"Afraid not. Whatever this is, it\'s either so high up or so deep that we can\'t figure anything out. But...\"
But what? He wasn\'t telling me the whole story. Suddenly... his lips weren\'t moving, but I could hear him.
\"I can\'t tell her about this. It would devastate her.\"
\"Tell me about what?!\" I snapped.
\"You... heard me? You heard my thoughts? You weren\'t a telepath before! This is amazing. Ok, since I can\'t hide this from you... We can\'t really investigate this organization because our backers won\'t fund it.\"
\"Why not?!\"
\"Apparently this goes very high up. We can\'t go near it. We will figure something out though, I promise.\"
\"You\'re still hiding something,\" I noted.
\"Uhmmm......\" He blushed!
\"You... you think I\'m attractive. Don\'t deny it, apparently I can detect if you\'re lying,\" I quickly told him.
\"Well...\"
We were interrupted by an alarm. An intruder alert. This place was supposed to be invisible from all forms of detection. The only way they could have found us would have been...
Tempus finished the thought for me. \"Someone leaked our location. This is serious.\" He ran towards his locker room.
\"Where are you going, Tempus?\" I shouted after him.
\"To do what you should be doing, Matrix. Suit up!\"
\'\'Contributed by Melissa (9/30/2004)\'\'
